Empathic Counselling

We set goals all the time. From New Year Resolutions to getting out of bed without pressing the snooze button for the third time, to making it to the gym, we are constantly trying to achieve something, sometimes without even realizing. All goals are achievable. Yes, you read that correctly. You may question me now, " If all goals are achievable, how come I don't have that Tesla car I've wanted for so long?" or " If that's true, I would be a size 4 right now instead of a size 6"  Ok fine. Let me revise my statement.  All SMART goals are achievable SMART stands for S pecific, M easurable, A ttainable, R elevant and T ime-bound Allow me to illustrate My goal is to lose weight is not a SMART Goal.  1. It's not S pecific - How much weight are we talking here? 5 lbs? 10 lbs? 1lb? How will you do this? Diet? Exercise? Surgery? Why are you doing this?  2. It's not M easurable - What does weight loss look like? Your idea of...

I love Positive Psychology. It has brought about strength-based therapies and interventions that puts focus on what's good in your life rather than focus on what's not going well. We often dedicate our time and thoughts to ruminating about our failures, rejections, regrets, bad memories, heart breaks, injustices, etc. Given this, how much time do we spend looking on the flip side? I think it's human nature to focus on the negatives, almost as if it is wired in our minds. Think about it. Our survival is based on protecting us from harm, therefore, we have to be on our toes and focus on the bad so that we can avoid it. Imagine being a cave man (or woman) and spotting a bear. You're not going to think " wow, how cute and cuddly, I'm going to give it a hug" you're thinking, " Whoa, sharp teeth and claws can do some serious damage, I'm gonna walk in the opposite direction" But, in today's world, how often are we walking into the p...

It's no secret that men and women are different, which is what makes relationships tricky. Over time we learn how to "fit" with our partner to make our relationship work. Today I give thought to how empathy differs between the genders. The general consensus is that women are more empathic than men. I tend to have a differing opinion. I think that men are just as capable of being empathic but tend to skip this realization and go straight into problem-solving. Allow me to illustrate: Jeff and Susan are married. Jeff works a 9-5 job and Susan is a housewife. It's Thursday morning: laundry day. Susan wakes up, sees Jeff off to work and brings down a load of laundry into their laundry room. As she begins to load the machine, she realizes that none of the functions are working. Turns out the machine is broken. This puts her in a spin because the rest of her day is now disrupted. It is now evening time and Jeff arrives home to see Susan on the couch, visibly upset. He a...

It’s never a good idea to Google your symptoms. Somehow every headache equates a brain tumor and every missed period is a pregnancy. Just like how Google plays doctor, we play psychiatrist, except, we don’t Google our symptoms, we simply diagnose ourselves based on pop culture. For the longest time, I believed that I had adult ADD because I had trouble focusing on one task. Turns out I didn’t have ADD, I just had a distracting phone. At one point I thought I had a panic disorder because my heart would race periodically and I had difficulty catching my breath. Taking one less expresso shot in my latte seemed to do the trick. Before playing Dr. Phil, be realistic. One of the best ways that I find to determine if you do have a real mental health concern is to ask yourself if your thoughts, behaviours or moods are preventing you from functioning. Are you hindered in any way? If you find that you spend a lot of time sleeping and generally have such low moods that you can’t ...

I give myself a lot of credit for being a great juggler. No, I don’t have a part-time circus gig outside of private practice. What I mean is that I tend to always have multiple projects/tasks/goals in play.  Take for example my 2016. For months I was balancing a job, internship, wedding planning and school. I often think back and wonder how I did it all without sacrificing the quality of work in each of these domains. Here is what I came up with. 1. Time Management We often complain that we don’t have time to fulfill our goals for one reason or another. This is false. It’s not that you don’t have time, it's that you haven’t set aside time. Think of how much time we waste on going through Facebook or binging on Netflix. That is time that we can utilize to move forward to achieve our goals. You can find an hour a day somewhere, either before bed, waking up an hour earlier, or during your lunch break. A little bit each day can move you forward and help you feel acco...